Sweetzu Delartz

[Sweetzu Delartz]

Name: Sweetzu Delartz
Age: 30
Sex/Gender: Female
Species: wolf
Faction: Thieves Guild
Allignment: Villain.

Appearance: She is extremely muscular and her height goes beyond other wolves. She weighs a lot due to her muscle. Due to her need to be masculine and intimidating, she's lacking in the department of typical females who crave beauty. Her eyes are yellow and are just as intimidating due to the fact it almost seems like her eyes should actually be blood red. Her fur color is gray, her chest is black. Her ears appear to be a mixture of blue and gray. Her muzzle is black on the nose tip.
Appearance Con.: She has battle scars and bruises that seem to just stay there. The bruises fade little by little, but the fights she winds up in give extra marks in various places in the bruised areas. She has a gym and her exercising gives her a six pack along her belly. Her hands are large as well and it allows her to form a fist that is about the size of two hockey pucks. She wears army clothes and can sometimes wear masks when she's lurking around. However, when she's in her base she'll wear a tuxedo.

Personality: She's a crime genius and she sees herself as the leader with all of the answers. Throughout the course of her carreer, her foster father has molded her into what she is. She isn't quiet, but she's talkative. She isn't friendly and she's more interested in becoming rich through crime than working hard to earn wages. She's also a thinker and likes to plan her crimes perfectly to make sure that the police can't figure out where they'll go next or how they'll catch them before the crooks escape into Cross Country.
She likes to be defensive. The best offense is a good defense. She typically would like to have more money than anyone else. Because she's a thinker, she's more than willing to negotiate; however it has to be in her favor more than her employee. She can be revengeful if the people she employs doesn't follow orders. She'll search for the employee that deceived her and attacks.
She isn't lenient. She's demanding and expects the best out of her employees. If she discovers that the employee did a job well done, she usually congratulates them. However, she'll also expect more when the employee receive their next job.


Family:

Jake Delartz – Foster Father
Jaysutz Delartz – Foster Mother

Transport: She rides an armored limo. Her employees ride in getaway cars.

Armored Limo: Its a large car that is used to protect people like a Presidential figure. The glass has a width of two feet or more to keep from penetrating the glass. The armor from the steel and the packed in with futuristic metal that is very hard to penetrate, even with a laser. Within those walls are bullet proof vests for more protection.

Getaway Car: If her employees don't have a car to use, this getaway car will typically be a substitute.

Weapons: A M2K 400 Laser and a crowbar.

M2K400 Laser - it is a weapon that she made from blue prints from her father's design. It fires a powerful flash of light that can slice through flesh and can fly through things as small as a keyhole. However, it can't physically go through walls. It also makes it a good weapon against robots. The laser has a large cartridge of firepower and it fires without pause. Consider it as a mini-gun of lasers – a gun that was used in Predator and T2: Judgment day. This has a fusion battery. The laser can fire 35 rounds before cool down. Cool down: two posts.

Crowbar: The crowbar is used to open the safe. It can also be used as an offensive or defensive weapon. It looks like a hammer, but is larger and only has the small thing that goes in the back of the hammer.

Biography: When Sweetzu was a little girl, she never knew her real mother and father. She was an orphan and was adopted into the Delartz family who were a couple of crime bosses. For awhile, she was able to see what her dad did for a living. She assumed that what her new father did was what people really did.
She was born into a group of geniuses and that explains why she never had to go to school for very long. After awhile, her adopted crime lords were getting too old to be in the business any longer and appointed Sweetzu to take over. She was a stricter crime lord and she tolerated very little mistakes.
Her father came up with the blue prints of the M2K400 Laser in the last days of his life and told Sweetzu to make the laser weapon. He supplied the parts for her, the rest was for her to follow the design.
Over her fifteen years of being crime lord, she's been causing a lot of conflict between other crime bosses of the thief guild. They both hated her and respected her. Even other members of the thief guild that she may give a job to might resent her as well. Her henchmen were very loyal to her and she knows that they'll be able to get the job done.
When she enters the warp hole into the new universe, she rebuilds her base with the help of her henchmen, its in the outskirts of Cross Country. There she has easy access to either Higara Grasslands or Soleanna.

Strengths: As a crime boss, she lifts heavy weights and she's extremely strong. She's also able to think on a dime about what she should do to counter and predict what the enemy plans to do to her in the fight.

Weakness: She is slow. When stressed to the limit, her ability to predict what the opponent plans falters and it becomes easier to contact with a blow. She also isn't a very skilled fighter.

Moves: Battering ram: a move that involves ramming the opponent against the wall and if it works it can be fatal but won't lead to death. If the move is dodged however, she may hurt herself but only suffer minor damage. For this reason, this move is to be used when the opponent is dazed or is confused about what's happening. Can be used at close range or mid range.

Fighting Style: Tactical Precision. This means she uses tactics to predict what the opponent plans on doing and counters the attack. However, this doesn't mean she just fights defensively. She isn't the most skilled fighter, so those who do know how to fight may be able to take advantage of that. However, despite her minimal fighting skill, her punches are still extremely powerful. She predicts what the other fighter will do through quick and persistent thought processes. Her predictions aren't always right, but most of her concentration goes into blocking and wearing out the opponent before she makes her move.

Skills: She's able to fix weapons and she's average at it. She can think both on and off the battle field with a tactical aura. She's also able to intimidate people that walk by her with her muscles.

Employees: This is focused on the other members on this RPG board that are a member of the thieves guild. She may hire someone in the guild that she figures may be done better by someone other than her henchmen. For the rest, refer to her personality. Typically the employees do the job for her and they are used for jobs bank robberies or anything that involves stealing things. Other jobs, like business proposals that involves giving the employees jobs to execute; she'll typically do it herself. If she has to get involved in jobs that she feels are best to do herself, then that's what she does. Regardless, she drives herself around regardless if it involves business proposals or things she feels she has to do herself. If the employees wish not to do something she gives, she'll understand.

[Dr. Robotnik]

Um...heh heh...I must say, this is the weirdest, funniest profile I've seen on this board. I'm not exactly sure if I am meant to review it seriously. But it's my job to take these seriously, so that's what I suppose I'll do.

Quote:At the same time, she can pretend to torture other people in her organization building.

Wha? What do you mean by "pretend" to torture?

Quote:How does she dress when she's being herself?:
She dresses in army clothes to stay concealed from her potential clients. Otherwise you will typically see professional clothes. Most of the time she makes sure to keep her face concealed with a mask.

You don't say anything about clients in any other part of the profile. What do you mean by "clients"?

Quote:Hobbies:
Has henchmen rob banks. Manipulating. Giving other people assignments to do jobs for her.

Now wait just a minute... You say these are her hobbies, but then her learning experience is "if you wanna get anything done around here, you've got to do it yourself." I'm sorry, but these two bits just don't fit together.

Quote:Sweetzu's short term goals in life: destroy the lives of the people in Soleanna.

Uh...why?

Quote:Style when being herself:
She likes to seem elegant and beautiful and alluring. Its easier manipulate men that way. She also likes being in control.

Wouldn't this contradict her trying to be "masculine", as you say further down? Someone trying to be manly usually doesn't bother trying to look beautiful.

Quote:Her long term life goals: To eventually retire and fall in love with a mate.

You know, you seem to like to talk a lot about how she's trying to be a pretty girl and lure in men, but there doesn't seem to be anything in the biography that would suggest this. I just think it's odd you don't bring it up.

Quote:M2K400 Laser - it is a weapon that she stole from a gun store. It fires a powerful flash of light that can slice through flesh and fly through walls. It also makes it a good weapon against strong robots and to melt through a safe lock. The laser has a large supply of firepower and it fires without pause.

You know, I don't think a gunshop would be selling something like that. I would think only the military could buy it. Plus, she stole it? Isn't she a genius? Why doesn't she just build it herself? Or do you mean she's a "criminal" genius?

In any case, if you want this gun to be this powerful, there's got to be drawbacks to it. Maybe it's big and heavy...maybe it overheats if you fire it for too long...maybe it's awkward to use. Not to mention I'd want specific limitations on how long it can fire and how easily it can pierce through various things.

Quote:Golf club: A driver that's used to knock things out of the park that aren't golf balls. She'll typically drive dogs and VHS tapes at her opponents.

I actually got a chuckle out of this, but where do these dogs and VHS tapes come from? Why these two particular things? Does she carry a sack of them around with her or something?

Quote:Mind control chip: A mind controlling device that is inserted in the ear so its hard to find. It works until the mission is over. Typically used to control Neutrals or heroes.

So what? How does she use it to control people? Not to mention mind control is a power with a lot of potential for abuse...I want some serious restrictions on this thing's power.

Quote:When she enters the warp hole into the new universe, she rebuilds her base with the help of her henchmen, its in the outskirts of Cross Country. There she has easy access to either Higara Grasslands or Soleanna.

If you're a first time player here, don't count on getting your own little faction. If we grant those at all, then only players that we know can be trusted with them get them. You would be better off making yourself part of the already-existing Thieves' Guild.

Quote:She can't feel pain.

Why not?

By the way, this isn't as great as you think it would be. If you can't feel pain, you don't know how badly you're getting hurt, and your body could take severe damage before you catch on. This is why you reflexively move your hand away from hot surfaces from the pain...so you only get a light sting on the hand instead of burning your flesh. I would do without this ability if I were you.

Quote:Moves: lock on laser: there's a button on the laser that has a homing device. It goes in a straight line and it'll switch directions to reach the opponent. It'll go three yards.

So what? Could she press this button and instantly turn around to face somebody with her gun like this? If so...definitely tone this down.

Quote:Safe opener: she or her henchmen open a safe with a crowbar.

This doesn't need to be a special move. It's kind of implied you'll be prying things open if you've got a crowbar.

You need a fighting style section and a skills section too.

[Sweetzu Delartz]

Look, I came up with a decision after wondering whether or not I should just quit the profile and not do anything from here, however I'd rather do some changes to the profile to fit your template before any changes are made. So at the moment consider this as a work in progress. I'll try to make it a little more serious and maybe do some other slight changes to the profile to fit your template. The reason it was weird before was because I followed a different template, so this time it'll be easier to understand.

I really want this character to be a villain to give the Thieves Guild something to do other than whatever comes to their minds. Plus, with my version of Tails not wanting to participate with Sonic again I decided to give Tails a reason to stop me. I'll just let you know now Nail, when this character is approved - whether or not I decide to make this character a male or female - the first few characters that'll get assignments will be your thief guild members. I have a lot of plans to go around, so I hope you're ready. Plus this'll give my Tech character something to do as well.

[Sweetzu Delartz]

I made a rewrite of the profile, so I'll just ignore what you said earlier Robotnik. You might wanna read it again. So have fun and I want you to review this with a little more seriousness. I got rid of some of the weapons, changed the moves and wrote the profile to your template.

[Rose Fox]

Alright, first off, about the M2K400. I’m going to guess you want to go with a Fusion Battery, since it uses laser rather than bullets. If so, please put how many rounds it can shoot until it’s cool-down time, and how many posts is a cool down.

Also, about her fighting style. Just to be clear, even if she plans an attack, that doesn’t mean she’s a great fighter. Unless she’s taken martial arts, you should probably add the weakness of “not a skilled fighter”. Being strong and planning is an advantage, but if you don’t know how to fight, A.K.A. like a martial art, it’s well worth to note that someone who –does- know how to fight could possible best her.

In the skills section, I feel like the blue-print thing can be abused. But, I’ll wait on what Nails says about that before holding it against you.

And unfortunately, I can’t say anymore. I haven’t really dealt with fractions in order to be able to rightly critique anything else. So, that’s what I have so far. BTW Ebrownies to you for -not- makeing a very "girl-ish" character.

[Giichi Twinkieland]

Well, you've got smarts and strength, apparently. You can't be great at both, but you CAN be great at one and average at the other. So that would mean no to building things from blueprints, but if you're fixing things only that'd be fine.

By the way, I hate to say it, but I don't consider you good enough at roleplaying yet to be in control of a group of NPCs. Besides, there's no real leadership to the Thieves' Guild anyway. It's more of a loose brotherhood of thieves rather than an organization with leaders. Now if you want to recruit other Thieves' Guild members to help you though, that's fine, but they will have the freedom to say no.

So anyway, that means having henchmen will need to go. i would say no to having weapons in that limo as well.

Also, if you want to do this thing with "Tactical Precision", that means you'll actually need to think through your battles that way. You won't be allowed to just say "Sweetzu anticipates the move, instantly dodges, and shoots the other guy in the back". There really needs to be a good, logical basis for how you anticipate your opponents' moves and how you react.

Rose has covered most of the other things I wanted to talk about.

[Sweetzu Delartz]

I thought you two would say more than this, but I do agree that my trying to control NPCs could use some work or maybe nothing at all, it depends. I'll be more than happy to let the thieves guild say no if they wanted and I'll probably have to take out a portion of the personality - "things that say henchmen of course" - and take out the henchmen thing. I'll figure out something about the fighting style. I'll just need to talk to myself for awhile to see what I can do to fit these things in. I'll probably copy your suggestions onto my flashdrive and then work on it from my other computer. I'll probably be taking my time with this. It might take a few days to edit it, but it might take until November or late October before I actually roleplay this character once approved.

[Sweetzu Delartz]

the sweetzu profile is ready for critique again.

[Nail Strafer]

My apologies for not looking at this sooner Tech. But it's been a crazy few days offline for me.

Quote:The glass has a width of two feet or more to keep from penetrating the glass.

Two feet? For reference, the armor on the actual Presidential limousine being used now is only five inches thick, so no doubt the glass is less than that. So two foot thick glass is pretty excessive.

Plus, adding bulletproof vests seems unnecessary with all this protection. And for all that protection, there should be some drawbacks. Perhaps the car is so heavy that it's rather slow, clumsy, and hard to maneuver. And maybe the tires are easy to blow out.

You're also getting only one vehicle, so remove the bit about getaway cars. Any other vehicles you want would have to be borrowed from other players or stolen.

Quote:Consider it as a mini-gun of lasers – a gun that was used in Predator and T2: Judgment day. This has a fusion battery. The laser can fire 35 rounds before cool down. Cool down: two posts.

But miniguns fire 2,000 to 6,000 rounds per minute. Even 2,000 RPM, you'd only be able to fire the gun for one second with this limitation. 35 rounds would be a more appropriate limit for a smaller weapon like a submachinegun. And SMGs have HUGE advantages when it comes to weight, portability, and ease of use compared to miniguns. Maybe you should get one of those instead.

Quote:Tactical Precision. This means she uses tactics to predict what the opponent plans on doing and counters the attack. However, this doesn't mean she just fights defensively. She isn't the most skilled fighter, so those who do know how to fight may be able to take advantage of that. However, despite her minimal fighting skill, her punches are still extremely powerful. She predicts what the other fighter will do through quick and persistent thought processes. Her predictions aren't always right, but most of her concentration goes into blocking and wearing out the opponent before she makes her move.

Excuse me, but if you are able to predict what the other guy's gonna do in a fight, then that's fighting skill. You'd either learn this through fighting or being trained for it in hand to hand combat.

By the way, like we discussed before, you aren't getting any henchmen or employees, so remove all references to them in the profile.

You also don't need the employees section. It's kind of implied that other Thieves' Guild members would want to work with you, since they're in the same faction. Perhaps you could integrate parts of that section into her personality to show how she likes to work.

[Chadin]

Nail, I don't mean to impose, but I have to disagree a little with respect to the armoured car limitations. The president's vehicle is well armoured and still handles pretty well etc. Acceleration's bound to be ****, but I imagine they did something to compensate for that too. I agree there should be some limitations but I don't think affecting the vehicles performance will make much difference. I think it should be noted at the very least that low-grade small arms are ineffective, but the limo is still vulnerable military grade heavy weapons.

Quote:The laser has a large cartridge of firepower and it fires without pause.

Fires without pause? Does that mean this is more like a continuous beam weapon rather than the kind of laser weapons you see in movies like Star Wars? And if it IS a continuous beam weapon that means you are going to have to restrict how long the beam can be sustained before either the weapon overheats (because with something like this heat most certainly will be generated) or has to recycle its charge or however you want this thing to work. But at the end of the day you can't just keep firing till everything in the room is either burnt to a crisp or fused with the wall paper.

Quote:It fires a powerful flash of light that can slice through flesh and can fly through things as small as a keyhole.

This is something else that started sounding off alarm bells in my head. I know that pretty much everyone whose ever watched Star Wars or any Saturday morning cartoon knows what a laser is supposed to look like, but the wording of this sentence just raises a number of potential snares I'd just as soon prune off the vines now.

First of all, as most people know, REAL lasers weapons are concentrated beams of light that operate in extremely high frequencies that the human eye cannot perceive. Your sentence stats that the weapon "fires a powerful flash of light". My issue therein is thus: A real laser moves at the speed of light, to the best of my knowledge creates no recoil and cannot be seen. To me, you are describing this weapon is a true laser. As far as I am concerned, true lasers are not allowed for one very good reason.

1. Unless poorly aimed, you will NEVER, EVER miss. Not even Sonic the hedgehog can evade something moving the speed of light.

In short, all I ask is that you remove the word "light" from that sentence and replace it with laser, or energy burst, or something. Normally, we like people to diligently explain how things work, but in the case of lasers, well sometimes its better to stay in the gray.

One last thing about this sentence I'd like to bring forward is this. In stating that this energy shot fires in such a fine beam that it can pass through a key hole: That part doesn't particularly bother me, but you do realize that given your character's background and general LACK of extensive combat training, your character probably never be able to hit such a target unless you placed the barrel directly in front of the key hole. My point being: the shot might be a very fine, precise beam, but your character personally is not skilled enough to fully exploit such precision and thus I wonder why you bothered listing it to begin with.

Quote:Her hands are large as well and it allows her to form a fist that is about the size of two hockey pucks

Say what? Precisely how tall IS Sweetzu? I'm just slighting under 6 feet and MY fist is about the size of a hockey puck. You'd have to be huge even by human standards to have fists that size without having Sweetzu's wrists bizarrely out of proportion. Judging by the size of the Sonic characters from just about any series you care to name, most of the furry characters are lucky to push four feet. But whatever, if you want to be big for your species that's fine, just remove the hockey puck reference and we'll be fine. If you still wish to emphasis she has big intimidating wrists than by all means, just don't use comparisons that are completely unrealistic even for a fantasy world.

Quote:a move that involves ramming the opponent against the wall and if it works it can be fatal but won't lead to death.

WHAT?!?! You just contradicted yourself in the very same sentence!!!