Change of Resolve

[Tia]

Tia took a break at the last stop before the desert began. She sat at a bench with a big bag of supplies she had carried with her. She just stood looking at the sky as if she had never really looked it before. A few white clouds but almost a completely clear blue sky. Why do I feel so calm. She did not move for awhile. She just looked up at the sky for awhile, minutes passed but she did not really move.

I... don't want to disappear. I want to just sit here and enjoy this moment. She looked for less then a minute and then she felt something wet touch her hands and she looked up to see where it was coming from and but remembered. The sky is clear today, no rain today. She stood up and looked around but couldn't find anything like a water hose or some prankster.

She felt something wet touch her lips, she quickly wiped it with her left hand and felt that it went up her face.

"What is this?"

She followed the wet feeling all the way up to her eyes. She did not understand why her eyes were weeping like this. She was sure something had to be wrong with her. My magic is not causing this? She did not understand what was wrong. She started wiping away but her eyes only kept weeping even more. Come on stop this... stop weeping!

She did not recall anything getting in her eyes and it was not like her eyes were in pain but they just would not stop weeping. She kept wiping it away but it kept coming back. I'm glad no one is here to see this.

She stopped as she repeated her thoughts. I'm glad no one is here to see this.. Wait... why am I glad? Why do I even care for that matter? The weeping got worse and now she could feel her eyes were all puffed up and likely looked very red if she had a mirror to look in. Wait... I can't... be...

Her eyes went wide as if some old wall in the back of her mind collapsed upon itself. ...Crying? She sank back into the bench as she hid her eyes in her hands. I don't have anytime for self-pity. Tia has to much atone for, to many life's she had taken, she had killed and murdered in the most brutal of ways and even enjoyed it! I can't cry!

She apply pressure to her face as if trying to force her eyes to stop crying. Her vision went blank and she started to feel a great deal of pain.

I'm not allowed to cry. Tia is a cold-blooded killer. She has no tears for foes or herself. I'm not allowed to cry! I'M NOT ALLOWED PITY!

She was very sure if she put any more pressure on her face at this point her eyes would stop weeping but the pain in her eyes was almost unbearable.

"What's wrong with me!?"

She left go of her face and suddenly drew her scissor katar and in one simple strike stabbed the nearby tree. The thrust attack put the entire katar into the tree in a simple stroke.

I don't have the guts to kill myself... I don't have enough regret to care about being redeemed... I just...

She slid down the tree and turned herself around to look back at the sky. Her tail coming around to her front as the weeping returned.

I want to be left alone. I don't want any more battles. I want to be left alone.

She ripped her katar out of the tree and lazily put it beside her. She closed her eyes and just listened to the simple breeze.

Let my escape this reality... let me just rest my soul for a moment.

She nodded off to sleep almost right away. She had not fallen truthfully asleep like this in a long time. She never had fallen asleep since the few days of her childhood before she was trained to be the assassin.

Even if it is just a fleeting dream... its still my dream.